Silver White Dreams
by Ethrial
Summary: Take another look at Selphie's cheery exterior in this dark, haunting tale of self-destruction.


Silver White Dreams  
  
  
  
Selphie sat in the window ledge of her dorm overlooking the Quad, and let out a bleary smile. She could just see the unfinished stage from when she cocked her head, in the process of being built for the Summer Garden Festival. It was going to the most excellent fantabulous event ever this year. Silvery moonlight reflected off her pale skin and flipped honey brown hair as she pulled her brightly colored blanket around herself tighter to fight the evening chill and then yawned despite herself. It was somewhere in the late night slash early morning gap, and in the past few weeks she had been spending a lot more time in that limbo.  
  
Turning her head she looked back into her own disorganized messy dorm room; she almost went back in, but then decided against it, knowing that going back in would be too stifling to encourage sleep. Turning back, she caught sight of her reflection in the pane of glass and scowled. The dark circles under her eyes highlighted the translucent quality her skin had taken on, that even hours in the sun kicking monster ass hadn't given any more colour. That plus the fact that there was next to nothing she could do about her blood shot eyes but "try to drink more water" as Dr. Kadowaki so gracefully put it made her even more frustrated. Flinging the blanket back into the room, Selphie dangled her legs further off the ledge and peered down into the blackness, ignoring the cold bite.   
  
An excited shiver ran through her body as Selphie drew her hand forwards to touch the perfect darkness of the unlighted Quad below her. I wonder what it would be like to fall? Selphie wondered dreamily, closing her eyes and exhaling, lost in the moment before she jolted out of her trance, realizing that she had been unconsciously edging further and further towards the edge. Shuddering she quickly jumped back inside and shut the window pacing over to her bed. Furrowing her brow, Selphie leaned back and brought her hands up to her face, muttering as she sat back up again, looking at her feet.  
  
Restless, and finally giving into temptation, Selphie reached into her underwear drawer, where her special box was hidden. Groping around in the near darkness, she finally located it and pulled it into view. The small square she held in her palm was just slightly bigger that a matchbox and the plain silver exterior was cold to the touch, glinting softly from the vague skein of light seeping through her standard issue wall light fixture. Smiling, she held the tiny box to her heart and let out a relived sigh. It was still there. Not that it wouldn't have been. No one would have ever guessed just by looking at it, what wondrous joy, what marvelous pleasure this innocent little box held inside.  
  
Slowly Selphie clicked open the lid, peering inside, determining how much was left until she had to refill it again. Frowning, she noted that she was going through pretty much more of it every week. This was directly related to the fact that it was getting harder and harder to get the buzz she needed to get through the day without taking almost twice as much as she had when she first started, over a 4 months ago.  
  
Cursing to herself with words that even Zell would raise an eyebrow at, Selphie set it down on the side table and kneeled on the floor below it. She needed more. Of course, she had the money to pay for it, that was of little to no consequence. Being a level 29 SeeD brought a paycheck at the end of every week that was more than enough to pay for life's little necessities.  
  
Using the tip of her pinkie finger, Selphie dipped it into the pearly shimmering powder and brought it to eye level. She only ever bought high grade stuff, and that meant it was completely pure; it hit the bloodstream hard and fast after it was absorbed through her nasal tissues, her preferred method mainly because of less hassles equipment wise. Selphie reached over to her bag and pulled out a nail file, an instrument she often used to balance the powder while she brought it up to her nose. She needed to take enough tonight, to once again to blot out the horrible dark feeling in the middle of her brain, seeping through the back of her head, staining her custom sunflower yellow dress.  
  
Everything in her life felt so tedious, pointless and futile, but with that one little box, everything filled with color and light and happiness, and all her reasons to be sad faded away and became nothing more than complacent memories. It offered her the most wonderful state of consciousness; an intense state of being alive to the degree that normal life seemed anti-climactic. Until the gloom was banished by her beautiful lady snow, if only for a little while, she would remain sleepless, dreamless and listless.  
  
With a reluctant smile, Selphie inhaled sharply and the whiteness disappeared from the dull metal. Reverse snowing. Amused, Selphie brought down the file for more. Peace was coming. Again she inhaled sharply and came back for air.  
  
Time for magical dreams.  
  
  
  
She took more that night than she had ever taken before, and it felt good and delicious and right and wonderful. She finally fell asleep with a smile on her face. Tomorrow was another day. And she was prepared to face it, with her lady at her side.  
  
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I found this at a website I submitted to a loooong time ago. How old was I then? ^_^; I semi-fixed it up and decided to subject you all with it! Yahoo! XD  
  
I'm thinking there might be a continuation on this thing, (Can anyone say "long-angsty-and-perpetual"? X3) if anyone actually wants one. (Please, just ignore that self-congratulatory sing song voice in zee head of zee patient. :D)  
  
Yup! ^_^ And yes, who can not afford to forget, lest my head be ripped from my shoulder and shredded into hamburger patties? Masquerade! I owe most, if not all of it to you. _@ 


End file.
